"The Space Between Almosts," by Josany R.

Everest Rossi promised herself that she wouldn’t fall in love this year.

Everest made this vow while staring at her reflection in the bathroom mirror in her New Jersey apartment, espresso in her hand and messy bun perched atop her head. At 24, half Italian, half American, Everest survived awkward teenage years, heartbreaks, and horrible first dates. Her romantic life was never how she planned it out to be. Love, she decided, was way too much work. Instead Everest had deadlines, travel planes and a Europe bound trip assignment to distract her.

Rome is supposed to be a place where she thinks about architecture, drinks coffee and fun stories. Rome is a city that she thought would be full of these things. Everest did not want to go to Rome to think about men. Rome and its architecture, coffee and fun stories are what she wanted to experience.

Europe had an idea for Everest, just as if it was thinking of something for her.

Zeke Thompson had been Everest’s childhood best friend since they were ten. He was the boy who knew exactly how she liked her pasta and how she laughed whenever she was awkward or embarrassed. American, tall, and sun bleached hair that made him look like he was model material worthy. He now works as a freelance photographer traveling the world. Seeing him at the train station near the Spanish steps made Everest’s chest tighten. She felt an odd mix of comfort and panic. 

"Everest?" Zeke said as he swung his camera over his shoulder.

That voice was so familiar to Everest that even her heart skipped a beat. She froze mid step, holding on tight to her carry on as if it could anchor her to the ground.

“Zeke?! you're in Rome?” Everest asked, while also a bit breathless.

He did mention having a project near her place. He had that same exact half smile that haunted Everest’s dreams since high school. That smile had been on her mind a lot since she was in school. Zeke looked quite older, more worn down, but his eyes were the same ones that followed her through childhood summers and late night snack talks.

She knew Zeke well so she felt okay and there was this nice feeling of excitement when she was around him. Then Yoshi showed up.

Yoshi Nakamura, perfect and explicit. He was born in Kyoto, raised between France and Japan. He was a fashion buyer in Paris who spoke  5  languages and was very handsome. Everest met him about six or seven months ago at a networking event in New York, where spilled wine and a replaced dress had unexpectedly led to casual unofficial encounters. She had been holding a glass of red wine and her phone when someone bumped into her. Everest jumped and the dark red wine started spilling down the front of her dress.

“I’m so sorry.” He said immediately, already holding napkins in his hands. His accent was soft but precise. 

He insisted on replacing her dress. Everest demanded that it wasn’t necessary. They went back and forth politely for five minutes before Yoshi, of course, won.  That night turned into drinks, following late conversations and a pattern that never quite defined itself.

They were never official. There were no labels, nothing really permanent said out loud. Just messages at rare hours and an understanding that they existed somewhere between casual and substantial. Yoshi never rushed her but he never drifted either. He would stay exactly where he was , steady and deliberate as if he was waiting for her to decide what she wanted. 

And now he was standing face front towards Everest. The moment Everest saw Yoshi’s sharp eyes on her, she groaned internally.

She said "oh fuck no" to herself and she was really upset. More likely about the fact that two of the guys she gets “butterflies” with are literally elbow to elbow with her.

Zeke looked at him and said "Is this person a friend of yours?"

“Yoshi” he said, saying his name as he glanced over at Everest. 

“Travel companion.” said Yoshi.

Everest really wanted the ground to just open up and swallow her whole.

The next three weeks were bat shit crazy. There were times where Everest was laughing and having a good time. Then there were times when things got really tense and chaotic. It was a mix of everything, with laughter and tension and chaos all swirling around. Everest was wishing that the ground would just swallow her up.

Zeke dragged her through the streets of Rome, taking photos of her unguarded moments. Everest laughed so hard with him that she even forgot about the vow she had made in her bathroom. Yoshi took her to hidden cafes and art galleries, and even taught her subtle French phrases. While also brushing strands of her hair, one at a time with careful precision.

When Everest got to Paris she found herself stuck between two men she really cared about. In very different ways. Zeke was like her past, he was comfortable and familiar. Yoshi was her present, he was classy and sophisticated. Both Zeke and Yoshi made Everest feel happy and excited in different ways. She just could not figure out which one of them, Zeke or Yoshi, she liked more. This was really frustrating for Everest. To be honest what was bothering Everest was that she was betraying her own words but at the same time she did not feel like she could be mad at herself for it. Everest was torn between Zeke and Yoshi. She did not know what to do.

It was a rainy evening, near Montmartre, a cute neighborhood in Paris. Everest finally spoke up.

"I can’t deal with this shit anymore." She said, sounding very serious.

She was standing really still in the kitchen of their Airbnb. Her voice was shaking. It was not because she was scared. It was because she was feeling really uncomfortable about something. Both Zeke and Yoshi stopped talking to each other. They had been discussing something while they were getting ready to cook dinner.

“Deal with what”, they both said, while turning around in sync, looking at each other confused.

Zeke’s jaw started to tighten.

“You are both really great. You look very good but I do not want to keep going back and forth between you guys. It’s like trying to juggle the two of you which isn't easy for me to do. I have to make a decision and stick with it because going back and forth between you guys is not working out for me”

“I never meant to compete if that is what it seemed like I was doing. I just really missed you. I was thinking about you. That is why I did what I did. I just missed you so much.” Admitted Zeke.

“It’s driving me fucking crazy!” she yelled. Feeling extremely relieved after.

Yoshi's eyes got really wide. Yoshi had a look in Yoshi's eyes that Everest could not ignore.

“I thought we were moving forward,” said Yoshi, sounding unsure.

“I don’t even know what forward is.” she admitted. She felt the weight of all her almost choices pressing down against her chest, the feeling of suffocation and urgency all at once.

Silence was held for quite a long time. Zeke broke it first.

“I’m going to Barcelona tomorrow. There’s a festival I need to photograph.”

Everest's heart sank away. She thought to herself  "Already?"

“But I do not regret coming,” he said calmly. Zeke's eyes looked for something that would make him feel better, something that would help him understand. Everest was not ready to give him that.

Yoshi looked at her. Said "And you?"

“I stay. Finish my assignment.” She replied, with her heart racing of course. She really never wanted to admit it. She still doesn't but leaving meant abandoning Yoshi. Staying meant lingering thoughts of Zeke. Every single choice felt like heartbreak was waiting, ready to happen.

They hugged Zeke goodbye at the train station. Everest held on a little longer than necessary, and then when the train pulled away the emptiness it left behind made Everest’s stomach twist. Her hands shook slightly, but she didn’t let herself cry. That was one thing she didn’t want to do even though everything was eating her alive. 

Paris was vibrant, warm and loud. But it couldn’t fill the void Zeke left. Yoshi tried to fill it by walking beside her along beaches at sunset and sunrise, speaking of belonging permanence. Everest smiled, listened and laughed. Nonetheless, her heart kept beating and drifting to Zeke, and a silent panic grew inside of her. 

Two days later, her phone buzzed with a photo. It was of her, laughing in Rome. Spontaneous. Alive. 

“You always look like you’re running towards something. Or maybe even someone. Seems exciting , but I hope one day it’s me” , Zeke’s message read. 

Everest’s chest tightened. Fear and urge collided. Her pulse raced and for the first time ever she felt completely torn. The Europe she planned as a distraction had become a warren of her own heart. 

By the morning she had her answer. She bought her ticket. Everest found Zeke at a street festival, camera in hand, sunburned and exhausted.

“You came,” he whispered. 

“I chose,” she whispered back. 

Zeke set down his camera slowly and took a seat. 

“Are you sure?” He said with a not so confident voice.

Everest nodded. “You see me when it's messy. You don’t try to refine me.” 

He smiled, stunned and glad. “Good because I like you exactly like that.” 

They kissed under the strings of festival light as the world went silent around them. Everest was happy although this wasn’t where she planned to be before arriving in Europe. Europe didn’t fix her life, but it showed her where her heart had been all along. Uncomplicated, raw and real. It wasn't the neat perfect ending she imagined in her mind while making her vow. But there was peace in knowing that at last she made the choice that felt right to her.

As the days continued, Europe continued to expand around her like a story she was living in rather than observing. The streets of Rome felt familiar, more personal. The cafes she had once imagined as momentary stops became her own space of reflection. Zeke however, was always camera ready, catching her in these quiet moments of joy. Candid shots of Everest at ease, giggling over espresso or sketching the city’s endless architecture. He never tried to perfect her, he just captured her just as she was and to Zeke that was more than enough.

As for Yoshi, he’ll always be a part of her story, even if he wasn’t the chosen one who would share a future with Everest. His presence was a chapter that helped her understand who she truly was and those quiet, most earnest moments between them still echoed in the back of her mind. She had ended up learning that love could be something messy, longing, and imperfect but still worth it.

Zeke and Everest, standing under the twinkling festival lights in a world that felt uncertain to her, now feels like something worth holding on to. She found a deeper understanding of what it meant to choose someone that is truly meant for her when she feels it, with no hesitation. Everest finally allowed herself to believe that maybe she was exactly where she needed to be all along.